| Rural Russia or what the Tsar didn't know and why it took three days to get married |
TRADITIONAL ORTHODOX MARRIAGE CEREMONIES
In a Russian village, you had to be married to be a full member of the community:
a fully responsible adult. In old rural Russia, women would not marry older men.
Men were usually two-seven years their wife’s junior.
Traditional weddings begin with the engagement and bride show. The ‘ceremony’
takes three days and is filled with prescribed rituals and things that must be
said. (The verbal rituals have been left out here.)
THE PLEDGE
After the couple agree to marry, the groom sends for the matchmaker.
The matchmaker is a relative that is experienced in such matters, not a specialist
for entire village as often portrayed.
The mother of groom, the godmother, and the aunt goes to bride’s house.
The mother of the bride is told why they are there: if she has no objection, she
sends for the bride’s father.
If the bride’s father does'nt object, he sends for the bride.
If the bride has no objection, than the entire party drinks on it.
A bottle of vodka or wine is provided by both the bride’s parents and groom’s
parents, and refreshments are served.
The bride leaves room and the rest of the party discuss gifts to be exchanged by
the families.
Once everything is agreed on, the vodka drunk, the couple is considered ‘pledged’
or engaged.
“The wine was drunk” is the Russian idiom to say a couple is engaged.
Well-to-do couples often exchanged engagement rings.
THE BRIDE SHOW
Takes place 1-2 weeks after pledge.
The groom’s family places refreshments in a trunk and takes it to the bride’s
house.
The groom and men sit on one bench, the girls and women on another: the trunk is
placed by the stove.
The bride’s married sister leads her into the room in her best clothes, her
kerchief tied so her face is shaded.
The bride bows to the groom and his family, and greets all the women with a kiss.
The groom and his family rise and inspect the bride.
If the groom’s parents like her, his father places a coin on the top of her head
and his mother ties a new kerchief on top of it.
Both sets of parents ask the couple (separately) if they like each other.
If they still wish to marry, they are stood next to each other and blessed by
both parents and godparents, and they kiss an icon.
The couple then walk hand in hand to a different house: the groom is allowed to
physically inspect the bride during this walk and she is not supposed to object.
When they arrive, the groom’s brother seats them at the table in the place of
honor, by the icon corner.
The bride’s girlfriends arrive and sit at the table with them.
The grooms treats and vodka are served, the couple drinking and eating first.
When the vodka and treats are gone, the bride’s girlfriends sing the couple songs.
The couple walk hand in hand back to the bride’s house, the groom may inspect
her again.
While they were gone, the in-laws and older people have been celebrating.
The couple is given the place of honor at the table when they return.
The elders drink to couple’s health and offer toasts.
The bride rises and presents prescribed gifts to her new in-laws.
The groom’s family than rides off in carts.
The groom is then walked home by the bride and her girlfriends, the girlfriend’s
singing.
When they arrive, the groom kisses the bride, gives her honey cakes, sunflower
seeds and apples.
When the bride returns home, she tears off her kerchief, pounds her head and
cries “the scream” because her family is giving her to a new family.
The bride screams every night for a week and is completely hoarse by the time
they get to the church.
WEEK FOLLOWING THE BRIDE SHOW
The next day the groom takes bride and her girlfriends for a ride in his cart to
the local tavern for tea, honey cakes and vodka.
The girlfriends sing to honor couple on the ride.
The horse is decorated with bells and colored cloth is woven into the horse’s mane.
During the week the groom will call on the bride several times. He brings treats
and vodka to the relatives and bride.
They are allowed to start having sex after the Bride Show. (Even in previous
centuries, this only meant they no longer had to hide this activity.)
CEREMONY:
The wedding in rural Russia is considered the bride’s day. The groom is
considered extraneous and only needs to be there when his duties needs to be
performed.
DAY ONE
During the afternoon, the groom’s parents collect the gifts for him from the
bride and present her with the groom’s gifts: perfumed soap and earrings.
DEVICHNIK bacherlotte party (There is no bachelor party)
The bride’s girlfriends arrive then and they all drink, share refreshments, and
sing songs.
The bride laments to her parents for giving her to another family one last time.
The bride undresses and her closest friend gives her a steam bath inside the
stove with groom’s soap while other girls sing to her.
The bride then lays down her best nuptial bedding on floor, her girlfriends and
her spend the night on it with the bride lying closest to the bed.
DAY TWO
The bride wakes everyone with a song.
Her girlfriends go to the groom’s house for breakfast with him.
The girls then return to the bride’s house and has breakfast with the bride.
During breakfast, the girls honor each of them with songs and receive small
payments from both the bride and groom.
After breakfast, the girls brush out the bride’s hair: the bride cries while this is
being done and laments for the loss of her girlhood. She will never wear a single
braid again and her hair is undone during the ceremony: a sign of sadness.
The girlfriends help the bride dress for the ceremony, only in dull sarafan (white
or blue) and accessories.
The bride is seated at the head of the table and the groom arrives to collect her.
As the groom steps down from his cart, he is accosted by male members of the
bride’s family, who try to prevent him from entering the house by poking him with
sticks and oven forks.
The best man pays them off with vodka and the groom is allowed into the house.
The bride’s father and godfather whips the groom to keep him away from the
bride.
The groom whips them back and demands to receive the bride.
SELLING OF THE BRIDE
The bride’s father places 5 a kopek piece on each corner of the table and says
“cover these”.
The best man than covers each with coin with another.
The bride’s father than says ‘now gild the bride”.
The best man places coins in the center of the table, then the groom then groom is
allowed to sit next to bride.
The bride’s mother gathers the money and gives to the bride, then serves a small
meal.
After the meal, a candle is lit in front of the icon, and the bride’s parents bless
the couple.
OUTSIDE DURING MEAL FOLLOWING SELLING OF THE BRIDE
The best man walks around the groom’s cart, holding a cup filled with water and
hops. He sprinkles the horses and people gathered, reciting how the entire village
to part of the couple’s family.
The people gathered respond to the best man “God bless you. We wish you luck.”
The best man than spills oats onto bride’s and groom’s seat in their respective
carts. This guarantees good fortune and plenty in their marriage.
When the couple comes out, the bride’s face is covered with towel. The groom
helps her into her cart, where she is joined by her godmother, sisters and aunts.
The groom and his company lead the way to the church in his cart.
The bride’s parents go to the groom’s house, where both sets of parents wait
while the church ceremony is performed. It is considered bad luck for the
parents to attend the ceremony.
On the way to the church, the carts are continually halted by passer-bys and can
only go on after best man serves everyone vodka.
By the time the couple and guests arrive at church everyone is completely drunk
or it is considered that the best man has not done his job.
CEREMONY
An orthodox ceremony involves exchanging pledges, rings, and crowns.
Russians wear their wedding rings on the RIGHT ring finger, not the left.
After the ceremony, the bride’s godmother twists her into two braids, covered
with both an under kerchief (povoinik) and regular kerchief. (It is considered
good luck if the groom begins this: it will lead to harmony in the marriage.)
The bride’s brother holds out her first payyova (married woman’s skirt), which
the bride jumps into. She tries to resist her brother’s attempt to tie it on her.
The couple then goes to the groom’s house and the waiting parents.
At the doorstep, oats and hops are thrown on the couple.
The newlyweds kiss the icon the husband’s mother is holding and accept bread and
salt from his father before entering.
When they enter, the couple break the bread and place it on a shelf: a symbol of
their equal parts in the relationship.
The couple sit at the table where two vodka bottles are joined by a ribbon.
The husband’s parents untie the ribbon and offer drinks to the guests.
The best man and godmother than take the couple by the hand and lead them to a
separate cabin. A chicken pie waits for them on the table and the couple eat it.
The bride’s older brother and his wife are in the bed and the best man must drive
them away with a whip and vodka.
The bride’s godmother takes off the bride’s kerchiefs, sarafan, shoes and the
groom’s boots. The groom has a coin in his right boot, which the bride shakes out
and keeps.
The best man and godmother ask the couple to confirm why they married.
The best man puts the couple to bed: lying the wife on her husband’s arm, puts
the husbands other arm over her, intertwines their legs, than puts a blanket over
them.
The best man and godmother leave and rejoin the party in the main house. (It is
not considered rude for people to eavesdrop outside the small cabin.)
After 1-2 hours the best man and godmother retrieve the couple. They wash and
dress them. The bride now wears her brightest sarafan and kerchief.
The best man leads them to the main house, carrying the bridal shift and presents
it to the groom’s family. (In the past, this was to prove the bride chaste, and the
bride’s father was given gifts if there was proof she was. This proof was usually
faked.)
The women present take dishes and break to signify “everything is accomplished”
and bring good luck to the couple.
The party continues and the couple eventually retire to the small cabin again.
THIRD DAY
The best man and godmother wake up couple.
The godmother than orders the bride to sweep the floor. Coins have been
previously been strewn around floor, which the bride gives to her mother-in-law.
This is to prove how good a housekeeper bride is and how honest.
After breakfast together, the newlyweds fetch a tub (or a bucket) of water
from the spring and try to bring it back to the cabin.
The father of the groom waylays them and pours the first tub of water on them.
The neighbors waylay the second and third tub and dump them on the couple.
The young wife than gives her father-in-law her kerchief, which he covers the tub
with. Noone can touch the tub afterward or they will be whipped by the father-
in- law.
The Newlyweds place the tub at entrance to the cabin.
During this time, married women, straddling broomsticks and with hands covered
with soot, chase the neighbors and smear their faces with soot. The father of the
groom finally calls an end to it.
The neighbors than wash off the soot in the tub and drop money into the water
when the do. The wife drys them with a towel.
The whole family of the groom, including newlyweds, accompanies bride’s parents
home. Vodka is taken along and the group sings songs.
The villagers gawk and make obscene jokes as they pass. The group calls on
relatives in neighboring villages, party and dance with them.
In a Russian village, you had to be married to be a full member of the community:
a fully responsible adult. In old rural Russia, women would not marry older men.
Men were usually two-seven years their wife’s junior.
Traditional weddings begin with the engagement and bride show. The ‘ceremony’
takes three days and is filled with prescribed rituals and things that must be
said. (The verbal rituals have been left out here.)
THE PLEDGE
After the couple agree to marry, the groom sends for the matchmaker.
The matchmaker is a relative that is experienced in such matters, not a specialist
for entire village as often portrayed.
The mother of groom, the godmother, and the aunt goes to bride’s house.
The mother of the bride is told why they are there: if she has no objection, she
sends for the bride’s father.
If the bride’s father does'nt object, he sends for the bride.
If the bride has no objection, than the entire party drinks on it.
A bottle of vodka or wine is provided by both the bride’s parents and groom’s
parents, and refreshments are served.
The bride leaves room and the rest of the party discuss gifts to be exchanged by
the families.
Once everything is agreed on, the vodka drunk, the couple is considered ‘pledged’
or engaged.
“The wine was drunk” is the Russian idiom to say a couple is engaged.
Well-to-do couples often exchanged engagement rings.
THE BRIDE SHOW
Takes place 1-2 weeks after pledge.
The groom’s family places refreshments in a trunk and takes it to the bride’s
house.
The groom and men sit on one bench, the girls and women on another: the trunk is
placed by the stove.
The bride’s married sister leads her into the room in her best clothes, her
kerchief tied so her face is shaded.
The bride bows to the groom and his family, and greets all the women with a kiss.
The groom and his family rise and inspect the bride.
If the groom’s parents like her, his father places a coin on the top of her head
and his mother ties a new kerchief on top of it.
Both sets of parents ask the couple (separately) if they like each other.
If they still wish to marry, they are stood next to each other and blessed by
both parents and godparents, and they kiss an icon.
The couple then walk hand in hand to a different house: the groom is allowed to
physically inspect the bride during this walk and she is not supposed to object.
When they arrive, the groom’s brother seats them at the table in the place of
honor, by the icon corner.
The bride’s girlfriends arrive and sit at the table with them.
The grooms treats and vodka are served, the couple drinking and eating first.
When the vodka and treats are gone, the bride’s girlfriends sing the couple songs.
The couple walk hand in hand back to the bride’s house, the groom may inspect
her again.
While they were gone, the in-laws and older people have been celebrating.
The couple is given the place of honor at the table when they return.
The elders drink to couple’s health and offer toasts.
The bride rises and presents prescribed gifts to her new in-laws.
The groom’s family than rides off in carts.
The groom is then walked home by the bride and her girlfriends, the girlfriend’s
singing.
When they arrive, the groom kisses the bride, gives her honey cakes, sunflower
seeds and apples.
When the bride returns home, she tears off her kerchief, pounds her head and
cries “the scream” because her family is giving her to a new family.
The bride screams every night for a week and is completely hoarse by the time
they get to the church.
WEEK FOLLOWING THE BRIDE SHOW
The next day the groom takes bride and her girlfriends for a ride in his cart to
the local tavern for tea, honey cakes and vodka.
The girlfriends sing to honor couple on the ride.
The horse is decorated with bells and colored cloth is woven into the horse’s mane.
During the week the groom will call on the bride several times. He brings treats
and vodka to the relatives and bride.
They are allowed to start having sex after the Bride Show. (Even in previous
centuries, this only meant they no longer had to hide this activity.)
CEREMONY:
The wedding in rural Russia is considered the bride’s day. The groom is
considered extraneous and only needs to be there when his duties needs to be
performed.
DAY ONE
During the afternoon, the groom’s parents collect the gifts for him from the
bride and present her with the groom’s gifts: perfumed soap and earrings.
DEVICHNIK bacherlotte party (There is no bachelor party)
The bride’s girlfriends arrive then and they all drink, share refreshments, and
sing songs.
The bride laments to her parents for giving her to another family one last time.
The bride undresses and her closest friend gives her a steam bath inside the
stove with groom’s soap while other girls sing to her.
The bride then lays down her best nuptial bedding on floor, her girlfriends and
her spend the night on it with the bride lying closest to the bed.
DAY TWO
The bride wakes everyone with a song.
Her girlfriends go to the groom’s house for breakfast with him.
The girls then return to the bride’s house and has breakfast with the bride.
During breakfast, the girls honor each of them with songs and receive small
payments from both the bride and groom.
After breakfast, the girls brush out the bride’s hair: the bride cries while this is
being done and laments for the loss of her girlhood. She will never wear a single
braid again and her hair is undone during the ceremony: a sign of sadness.
The girlfriends help the bride dress for the ceremony, only in dull sarafan (white
or blue) and accessories.
The bride is seated at the head of the table and the groom arrives to collect her.
As the groom steps down from his cart, he is accosted by male members of the
bride’s family, who try to prevent him from entering the house by poking him with
sticks and oven forks.
The best man pays them off with vodka and the groom is allowed into the house.
The bride’s father and godfather whips the groom to keep him away from the
bride.
The groom whips them back and demands to receive the bride.
SELLING OF THE BRIDE
The bride’s father places 5 a kopek piece on each corner of the table and says
“cover these”.
The best man than covers each with coin with another.
The bride’s father than says ‘now gild the bride”.
The best man places coins in the center of the table, then the groom then groom is
allowed to sit next to bride.
The bride’s mother gathers the money and gives to the bride, then serves a small
meal.
After the meal, a candle is lit in front of the icon, and the bride’s parents bless
the couple.
OUTSIDE DURING MEAL FOLLOWING SELLING OF THE BRIDE
The best man walks around the groom’s cart, holding a cup filled with water and
hops. He sprinkles the horses and people gathered, reciting how the entire village
to part of the couple’s family.
The people gathered respond to the best man “God bless you. We wish you luck.”
The best man than spills oats onto bride’s and groom’s seat in their respective
carts. This guarantees good fortune and plenty in their marriage.
When the couple comes out, the bride’s face is covered with towel. The groom
helps her into her cart, where she is joined by her godmother, sisters and aunts.
The groom and his company lead the way to the church in his cart.
The bride’s parents go to the groom’s house, where both sets of parents wait
while the church ceremony is performed. It is considered bad luck for the
parents to attend the ceremony.
On the way to the church, the carts are continually halted by passer-bys and can
only go on after best man serves everyone vodka.
By the time the couple and guests arrive at church everyone is completely drunk
or it is considered that the best man has not done his job.
CEREMONY
An orthodox ceremony involves exchanging pledges, rings, and crowns.
Russians wear their wedding rings on the RIGHT ring finger, not the left.
After the ceremony, the bride’s godmother twists her into two braids, covered
with both an under kerchief (povoinik) and regular kerchief. (It is considered
good luck if the groom begins this: it will lead to harmony in the marriage.)
The bride’s brother holds out her first payyova (married woman’s skirt), which
the bride jumps into. She tries to resist her brother’s attempt to tie it on her.
The couple then goes to the groom’s house and the waiting parents.
At the doorstep, oats and hops are thrown on the couple.
The newlyweds kiss the icon the husband’s mother is holding and accept bread and
salt from his father before entering.
When they enter, the couple break the bread and place it on a shelf: a symbol of
their equal parts in the relationship.
The couple sit at the table where two vodka bottles are joined by a ribbon.
The husband’s parents untie the ribbon and offer drinks to the guests.
The best man and godmother than take the couple by the hand and lead them to a
separate cabin. A chicken pie waits for them on the table and the couple eat it.
The bride’s older brother and his wife are in the bed and the best man must drive
them away with a whip and vodka.
The bride’s godmother takes off the bride’s kerchiefs, sarafan, shoes and the
groom’s boots. The groom has a coin in his right boot, which the bride shakes out
and keeps.
The best man and godmother ask the couple to confirm why they married.
The best man puts the couple to bed: lying the wife on her husband’s arm, puts
the husbands other arm over her, intertwines their legs, than puts a blanket over
them.
The best man and godmother leave and rejoin the party in the main house. (It is
not considered rude for people to eavesdrop outside the small cabin.)
After 1-2 hours the best man and godmother retrieve the couple. They wash and
dress them. The bride now wears her brightest sarafan and kerchief.
The best man leads them to the main house, carrying the bridal shift and presents
it to the groom’s family. (In the past, this was to prove the bride chaste, and the
bride’s father was given gifts if there was proof she was. This proof was usually
faked.)
The women present take dishes and break to signify “everything is accomplished”
and bring good luck to the couple.
The party continues and the couple eventually retire to the small cabin again.
THIRD DAY
The best man and godmother wake up couple.
The godmother than orders the bride to sweep the floor. Coins have been
previously been strewn around floor, which the bride gives to her mother-in-law.
This is to prove how good a housekeeper bride is and how honest.
After breakfast together, the newlyweds fetch a tub (or a bucket) of water
from the spring and try to bring it back to the cabin.
The father of the groom waylays them and pours the first tub of water on them.
The neighbors waylay the second and third tub and dump them on the couple.
The young wife than gives her father-in-law her kerchief, which he covers the tub
with. Noone can touch the tub afterward or they will be whipped by the father-
in- law.
The Newlyweds place the tub at entrance to the cabin.
During this time, married women, straddling broomsticks and with hands covered
with soot, chase the neighbors and smear their faces with soot. The father of the
groom finally calls an end to it.
The neighbors than wash off the soot in the tub and drop money into the water
when the do. The wife drys them with a towel.
The whole family of the groom, including newlyweds, accompanies bride’s parents
home. Vodka is taken along and the group sings songs.
The villagers gawk and make obscene jokes as they pass. The group calls on
relatives in neighboring villages, party and dance with them.
| Website design By Andriech. Original graphics by Vengaurd. Copyright 2006-2010 by Star Traveler Publications |
